


Pageant Dads

by hamwrites



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Drabble, Gen, One Shot, aggressive pageant dads and apathetic five year olds, implied shipping, pageant dad au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-23
Updated: 2013-12-23
Packaged: 2018-01-05 19:42:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1097852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hamwrites/pseuds/hamwrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>in which Erwin and Levi are aggressive pageant dads and Erwin says a bad word.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pageant Dads

**Author's Note:**

> The summary basically says it all huehue uvu. There is implied jeanmarco and springles, but you can still interpret it as just friendship. Also sexual tension between pageant dads.

"Sasha sweetie, please stop picking your nose, this is a beauty pageant, not a barnyard," Erwin scolded his 5 year old daughter, internally vomiting a little when she brought the boogery finger to her mouth. He hurriedly prepped her for her stage entrance, going over her routine and her dance moves, although she seemed more preoccupied with the Mountain Dew he had given her to wake her up.

Erwin was nervous, as he always was when Sasha was was in a pageant. This wasn’t his first time, far from it, he’d been taking his three kids to pageants ever since they could sit upright. It did his heart good to see his little angels up on that stage and doing their best. Of course, winning never hurt, either. And they happened to do it a lot. But Sasha was, well… she was a spitfire. Unlike Marco and Krista, who always followed their routines down to the last detail and seldom got anything under a 9.5/10, Sasha liked to improvise on stage. She would dance sporadically, giggle, even burp sometimes, much to the amusement of the crowd and the judges. Yes, Sasha’s bubby, infectious behavior never failed to win her first place in personality, but this was the beauty category, and she had to step up to the plate if she wanted to win.

While waiting for her division to be called up, he heard Sasha give out an excited squeal and yell, “Connie!” at the top of her lungs. While he made a mental note to remind her to use her inside voice, Erwin turned to see his good friend Hanji and her circus of kids walk towards them. Connie was the first to greet them, running into Sasha’s arms at full speed and toppling her to the ground, laughing together. Erwin was fond of the child, although he didn’t appreciate him knocking his daughter down.

He ignored it, nonetheless, and turned his attention towards Hanji.

"Hanji, good to see you again!" He welcomed, flashing her his bright smile. "Who have we got here today?"

Hanji slung her arm around his shoulder in a sort of half-hug before greeting him warmly, too. “Erwin, it’s been forever. I see you’ve already caught up with Connie, hehe. I brought along Jean, Ymir, Bertholdt, Annie, and Reiner, too. Just the usuals.”

Now, to anyone who hadn’t known Hanji, her group of kids may have seemed like a curse, but it was quite the opposite. Hanji was not able to have kids, and seeing as she had always adored them, she signed up as a foster mother and brought in as many as she could. Some kids only stayed for a few weeks, maybe a month or two. Erwin remembered the little girl with pigtails, Mina, he thinks, who had lived with Hanji for a month before being adopted. 

But the little group she had with her at the moment had been with her since the beginning. She had taken them out of the system a while ago, seeing as there was little to no chance they would be adopted. They were referred to as ‘special circumstances.’ Jean, for instance, used to live with abusive parents and still flinches when an adult offers to shake his hand. Thanks to Hanji, however, he was able to break down his walls a little, and ended up becoming very good friends with Marco.

Hanji had entered her kids in the pageant as well, but she was nowhere near serious about winning. She liked to bring them so they would have fun, and the kids seemed to enjoy dressing up and having their mom cheer for them obnoxiously.

After chatting a bit, Hanji excused herself and her kids to go find their dressing rooms, leaving Erwin and Sasha alone again. He let Marco and Krista go with Hanji, seeing as she insisted. Erwin felt some of his nerves die down, and felt confident and ready to win.

"Well well well, if it isn’t Captain America."

No.

Anything but this.

Anything but  _him._

Erwin slowly turned around, praying that his suspicions were incorrect, but he was proven right when he saw the short, evil little man and his daughter.

"Levi," Erwin said, trying not to sound like he just stepped in horseshit. "What a pleasant surprise."

"A pleasant surprise indeed, Erwin. I see you’ve entered little Sasha in the beauty portion of the pageant. Too bad she’s gonna have to watch Mikasa take home the crown," the cocky short man said with a smirk. Mikasa only looked up at her father, holding onto his jeans with one small hand.

"Funny. So where are the other two brats, Elmer and Austin?" Erwin said, purposely messing up the kid’s names to get under his arch rival’s skin.

"It’s  _Eren_ and  _Armin_ ,” Levi corrected, his jaw set and eye twitching just a bit in annoyance. “And they’re with my sisters in their dressing rooms, getting ready. You should probably get ready too, seeing as Little Miss Ankle Biter over there looks like a hot mess with that dress. Honestly, a color that putrid should be illegal.”

“ _Don’t you dare talk about my children,_ " Erwin seethed, letting Levi know he crossed a line. Sasha had picked that dress out herself and loved it, thank goodness she was too busy with her soda to notice the remark.

Levi stood back, admiring how angry he had made Erwin.

"No matter. She can dress how she wants, she’s still not getting that crown," he said, matter-of-factly.

"Oh, Levi, do you hear that? It’s the sound of Mikasa coming in second place when she trips on her scarf on stage," Erwin taunted. He didn’t care if he was being childish, he wanted to start shit.

"That was /one/ time," Levi hissed, and turned to leave. "Come on, Mikasa, we’ve got a pageant to win." Mikasa obeyed and followed at his heels.

After they were out of sight, Erwin looked down at Sasha, who was intently playing with the buttons on her dress,

"Sasha, honey, are we gonna win?" He asked her.

"Yeah," she looked up and smiled.

"Are we gonna show up Mikasa?"

"Yeah!"

"ARE WE GONNA SHOVE IT IN THAT SHIT-EATING LEVI’S MOUTH??"

"…"

All the pageants moms in line with him stopped their conversations abruptly and turned to look at him, a few gasps and motions of covering children’s ears following.

"I-I.." Erwin stammered, embarrassed at the language he just used in front of a bunch of 5 year old girls.

"Daddy that’s a bad word," Sasha said, and proceeded to play with her buttons while everyone and their grandma judged Erwin’s sanity.


End file.
